You’re Not Broken, Your Needs Are Unmet
Understanding the two-way street of idealization in relationships.
“What is necessary to change a person is to change the awareness of himself.” ~Abraham Maslow
I think one of the hardest things to hear is when someone says they’re “broken”.
They may tell you how they only seem to attract partners who break their hearts, where they’re thinking there’s something wrong with themselves. Or, they may say that breaking someone else’s heart is better than being left behind and having their own heart broken.
They may explain a heart-wrenching story of how they’ve been used by partners who were only looking out for themselves. Or, they may tell you how they learned earlier in life to take what you can, then leave.
You might hear how they want to feel loved but they’ve never felt good enough so now they don’t believe in love. Or they may mention how relationships have an expiration date.
They may explain how they’ve never felt wanted and feel unheard by those who were supposed to care about them. So, now they seek out relationships that ‘validate’ them as unworthy and perpetuate them feeling unheard. Or, they’re now ignoring and invalidating their…
