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The Reasons Some People Won’t Heal Their Trauma
Understanding the hidden dynamics that can keep you from growth.
The following content includes personal experiences and discussions around difficult topics such as trauma, emotional challenges, childhood maltreatment, or abusive relationships. While my intent is to educate and share personal insights, some readers may find certain content emotionally distressing. This article is for informational purposes only.
Nobody gets out of their childhood completely unscathed. I know this sounds pessimistic, but the idea of thinking there is a ‘perfect’ person out there who had a ‘perfect’ childhood is naïve at best. Granted, toxicity is along a continuum, so not everyone may have experienced the same level or intensity of painful experiences that you and I may have. But, it shouldn’t dismiss their reality, either.
I spent my entire childhood believing that toxic was ‘normal’ and that this was just how things are. I didn’t bat an eye with the rules, demands, abuse, expectations, or in having my personal space infringed upon. I adapted; I learned to survive. It wasn’t until decades later, where I first realized that something from my childhood wasn’t quite right.
But, it wasn’t some sudden epiphany; it was more subtle and came in waves. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I knew it was there. The more I began unpacking the nuances of my lived experiences, and how they were impacting my adult life, the more the dissonance started to set in. It was like everyone had some unspoken blueprint on how to navigate life, but apparently, I missed the memo.
For example, some who have a string of bad relationships blame it on bad timing, on the other person being emotionally stunted or immature, or in having a broken “picker” when it comes to making a quality choice in a partner. Most will shrug it off, move on, and file the experience as “lesson learned” for what not to choose again in their next relationship. Yet, when there’s a history of unprocessed trauma that is looming under the surface, it changes the rules of engagement.
When trauma is in the driver’s seat, instead of avoiding the obvious signs that we should run the other way, we tend to have a knack for running towards it. Maybe…
