Allostatic load and increased risks for chronic fatigue syndrome — Trigger Warning: This article talks candidly about potential long-term effects of complex childhood trauma. While my intention is to educate, some may struggle with reading this article in its entirety, especially if living with complex or relational trauma. As a kid, I loved to sleep. I pulled the covers up…

Attachment trauma & anxious attachment in relationships. — Thanks to traumatologists, psychiatrists, and medical doctors like Dr. Judith Lewis-Herman, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, and Dr. Gabor Mate, the long-term effects of early attachment trauma are finally becoming more widely established and accepted within the psychological and medical communities. No longer is attachment trauma being swept under the…

Borderline personality disorder is really a pattern of trauma responses — I have studied Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for years. Two things that have always affected me are how subpar many treatments are for BPD and how backwards diagnostics are regarding this very confusing — and stigmatized — disorder. BPD affects a person globally in many more ways than “just” their…

Learning compassion for those suffering from complex trauma — “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort.” Bessel van der Kolk Let me start by saying that this may be a trigger warning for some, and I apologize to anyone who may find this emotionally disturbing, but I…

Understanding how being taught your value as conditional can lead to “chasing” validation. — Self-worth is a fundamental concept surrounding how we feel about ourselves, how we perceive ourselves, and how we engage with others. The way we interpret our value is conditioned in childhood, as a normal process of development between caregiver and child. Yet, what we are conditioned to believe about our…

Understanding how trauma and idealization affect a person’s ability to choose a healthy relationship. — Humans are hardwired for connection. Yet, in the last decade, it has become more and more common to hear that someone got “discarded”, or “ghosted” or is being “breadcrumbed’ and strung along in what they hoped was a legitimate connection. It’s just as common hearing that the same person who…

Unpacking core wounds associated with rebound relationships. — Some of the worst advice I have ever received was years ago when someone told me “…the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Aside from feeling the sudden urge for a hot shower and a shot of penicillin after hearing that, I graciously tapped…

How childhood trauma can condition us to seek out chaotic situations. — I grew up with a caregiver who seemed to thrive in chaos. While most of us would freeze or panic, the more out of control the situation seemed, the more in control they became. If there was a sudden blackout in our neighborhood, they were the one remaining cool, calm…

When asking for space is OK, and when it should be avoided. — Over the years, I have worked with dozens of individuals who felt deep shame for needing space in their relationships. Adding insult to injury, were their family, friends, and partner who were sometimes (not always) standing in staunch opposition of them needing time alone. I get it. I’ve been there…